The blog entry I am referring to can be found here (http://ponderinglifeonmars.blogspot.com/2011/11/how-social-networking-ruined-your-life.html) and brings us to:
7: You've become, or realized how easily you could become, a giant coward.
Do you have strong feelings about the behaviour of an individual? Fair enough if it's David Cameron. Write as many pissed off things as you like about him - because he can't see them, and he wouldn't care even if he did. Social Networking can too easily utilise indirect bullying. That might sound extreme - but how many girls have you ever seen write something like "You're pathetic", "I love how hypocritical you are", so on and so forth. There is a pattern: it will address a specific event or individual, use the word "you" and it will be written by a girl. When have you ever seen a guy try to sort out his emotional issues on the internet? (Besides Charlie Sheen in early 2011! Here's an ellipsis while you try to think about it)... probably never, though it depends somewhat on your calibre of male contact. Girls, please, if somebody has upset you enough for you to be spitting venom about them online, you should probably address the issue with that person. Save people a lot of sad, nail-biting "But does she mean me?" moments.
Do you have strong feelings about the behaviour of an individual? Fair enough if it's David Cameron. Write as many pissed off things as you like about him - because he can't see them, and he wouldn't care even if he did. Social Networking can too easily utilise indirect bullying. That might sound extreme - but how many girls have you ever seen write something like "You're pathetic", "I love how hypocritical you are", so on and so forth. There is a pattern: it will address a specific event or individual, use the word "you" and it will be written by a girl. When have you ever seen a guy try to sort out his emotional issues on the internet? (Besides Charlie Sheen in early 2011! Here's an ellipsis while you try to think about it)... probably never, though it depends somewhat on your calibre of male contact. Girls, please, if somebody has upset you enough for you to be spitting venom about them online, you should probably address the issue with that person. Save people a lot of sad, nail-biting "But does she mean me?" moments.
8: You're happy. Woop-de-do, well done you.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a cheerful chappie... however, there is a fine line between being happy, and being a smug wanker. Congratulations, I'm so glad you and your new boyfriend are so happy. I'm so glad he's buying you drinks and dinner and diamonds and other great things beginning with a 'D'. But try not to smear it in everyone else's single, diamondless face! Bloody hell, do you have no idea how self-satisfied you can sound? Don't be surprised when people are pressing 'like' on "Smug-Wanker has gone from 'In A Relationship' to 'Single'" - HA HA! Come join us down here why don't you? Dickhead.
9: And now you're miserable. Have a pat on your miserable back.
This actually leads on from 8. Most of these brilliant 'D' inclusive relationships are going to take a U-turn. Why? Because if you were honestly happy in your relationship you'd have been busy enjoying that person's company, not Tweeting about it. Duh. Regardless of this fact (because you'll never realize it for yourself) your Facebook Friends/Twitter followers will be able to enjoy inspiring nuggets such as "the world is only going to screw you over" or "I don't know why I get out of bed some days"... OH GOD, CHEER UP! If you're so gutted then go to see a counciller, go get some Citalopram, write a diary, buy a punchbag, sleep with someone who's going to degrade you completely, drink until you're blind. I don't mean it's wrong to write the occasional upset or annoyed sentiment, but if it's everything you're writing you probably have a problem. If every single miserable update we read inspired great pity or sympathy we'd never get anything done besides writing motivational comments for people who really just need a bit of fresh air and a slab of cake.
This actually leads on from 8. Most of these brilliant 'D' inclusive relationships are going to take a U-turn. Why? Because if you were honestly happy in your relationship you'd have been busy enjoying that person's company, not Tweeting about it. Duh. Regardless of this fact (because you'll never realize it for yourself) your Facebook Friends/Twitter followers will be able to enjoy inspiring nuggets such as "the world is only going to screw you over" or "I don't know why I get out of bed some days"... OH GOD, CHEER UP! If you're so gutted then go to see a counciller, go get some Citalopram, write a diary, buy a punchbag, sleep with someone who's going to degrade you completely, drink until you're blind. I don't mean it's wrong to write the occasional upset or annoyed sentiment, but if it's everything you're writing you probably have a problem. If every single miserable update we read inspired great pity or sympathy we'd never get anything done besides writing motivational comments for people who really just need a bit of fresh air and a slab of cake.
Now, if you have read this in a certain way you might quote back at me "There is a pattern: it will address a specific event or individual, use the word "you" and it will be written by a girl".
Firstly, aren't you apt! Ten points to you. Yes, I've used 'you' a lot in this, and, in case you hadn't guessed by my endless supply of bitterness, I am a female. However, I am not addressing an individual but a group of individuals: careless social networking users. If I really wanted to take up my qualms with them one-by-one I'd never have had the time to write this big long rant, would I? Blimey. Minus ten points for thinking I've got hours of time coming out of my arse.
Additionally, congratulations to everyone who follows me on Twitter or is my friend on Facebook, and has noticed that I too do my fair bit of complaining. Well done - it's true, I love to complain. Why else would I write this? But when I start writing things like "OMG I'm so sad I could slit my own wrists :'''(" please hunt me down, and slap me in the face. Really hard.
The same disclaimer as written in the first entry about Social Networking applies.
DISCLAIMER: This post is almost 100% tongue in cheek but it might offend you a bit. If it does, my best advice is not that you leave me any feedback, but that you go get a therapist for your inability to take a joke - even a badly written, long winded joke by someone who took no essay writing subject further than AS level, and cannot tell jokes.
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