Debating Christmas

WARNING: Topical blog post beginning approximately 2 lines from where you are currently reading.

The popular topic I am choosing tonight, ladies and gentlemen, is Christmas.
Earlier this evening I was advised that if I wanted to maintain originality I should publish this post in June. However, there are certain feelings that I won't remember in June - when the sun is shining; when men stop wearing their shirts so much; and when I don't spend every day having commercial nonsense shoved in my face. I regret to inform you that mine is not a particularly positive view of Christmas.

Jumping right in at the deep end with a matter I am not formally educated in - let's start with religion.
The Wikipedia definition (of course I didn't read any further than the first webpage Google suggested - I have a life) of the celebration is: "Christmas or Christmas Day (Old English: Crīstesmæsse, literally "Christ's mass") is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ, celebrated generally on December 25 as a religious and cultural holiday by billions of people around the world."
Whilst the 2001 census of the United Kingdom showed that 71.6% of the population are Christians, a different survey by Tearfund showed that only 10% attend church weekly.

Unsatisfied by the results of these census', I set out on my own data-gathering mission. On Twitter and Facebook I asked everybody,

1: Are you a Christian?
2: Do you celebrate Christmas?

Of 12 respondents there were 12 who celebrate Christmas; 8 non-Christians; 4 Christians; and a partridge in a pear-tree.

This is the part where I must clarify my own religious standing. As the daughter of a church-going Catholic and a man who swings between attending Quaker meetings and Anglican services, I was forced for several years to attend all Catholic Christmas masses - and trust me; there are a bloody lot of them. Because of this, I remain very aware of what Christmas has historically and traditionally meant. Yet my views on religion are completely grey. I no longer attend church, I don't have any particular beliefs or non-beliefs, and I don't spend much time exploring what 'faith' I might have... apart from after I've sunk a few bevvies and I start ranting about my views regarding Life on Mars, but that's another story for another time. (Or for the next time I get drunk, if you happen to be there.)

With a heavy heart I must admit that nowadays I believe that Christmas is a holiday that has been swallowed by advertising and consumerism, used to manipulate absolutely everybody. Including people who describe the Bible as "the most ridiculous fairy-tale ever written" and who liken Jesus to folklore characters like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. Sometimes I just have to ask - isn't it a bit hypocritical to deny the existence of Jesus and yet partake in festivities linked to his birth? I'm not saying that I think it is, I'm only musing.

But actually, Christian celebrations of Christmas were not entirely new. Several other religious doctrines had a 'Festival of Light', including the Hindu celebration of Diwali which is a celebration of "the victory of good over evil." The church adopted December the 25th as Jesus' date of birth despite opposition from Jerusalem, and the date was also the birthday of Mirthra - the Iranian 'God of Light'. What I am basically saying, is that the church was a little bit like J.K. Rowling writing Harry Potter - they just nabbed some of the good stuff that other people had done before them. Sorry, J.K. - I love your work.

Now, here I wanted to argue some stuff about how people get depressed in the winter and that Christmas is celebrated in an attempt to banish 'winter blues'. Then I did some research into the epidemiology of suicide and found that the idea of 'increased suicide rates in winter' is merely a myth pushed by the media. In fact, suicide rates are better categorized by days of the week - in the Unites States more people commit suicide on a Monday, and Saturday is the least popular day for suicides. So Bob Geldof was scarily correct when he sang "I Don't Like Mondays". I would love to suggest that we abolish Mondays, but that seems a bit tricky, don't you think?

It may be a valid argument that Christmas is a much needed cheer-up from the bleakness of winter - and that people put lights up in the streets and their homes to make up for the lack of the sun; and cut down trees for their homes as a substitute for the bare ones everywhere else. For people who have families it also seems a good time to gather and enjoy food, drink and each-others company - and you certainly don't need any religious beliefs to partake in those activities.

Besides the religious upbringing, the other factor that shapes my opinion of Christmas is my sector of work: retail. For the last four Christmases I have sold flowers, smelly cleansing shite and classic female gifts to Joe Public. The aim of the retail game is to have as many trading days as possible, resulting in minimal rest and relaxation for those who work in a shop, and maximum me-me-me for Joe. We work until around 6pm on Christmas Eve; Christmas Day may be our only day off in a week or more; and on Boxing Day it's back to work for the sales to start, and for Joe to return all the gifts he didn't like this year.
Yesterday I ended up discussing this with a customer who asked me how I felt to be working on Christmas Eve. I told her, "It doesn't bother me, I'm not big in to Christmas." With a slightly sad look on her face, she asked me why, and I facetiously replied "I dunno. Maybe because I work in retail."
Whilst I enjoy facilitating the gift-buying of people who are looking forward to a cosy Christmas, I am forced to listen to some of the worst Christmas pop 'music' known to mankind. Unwillingly, I know every single word to PJ & Duncan's 'Eternal Love', and all I want for Christmas this year is for Boxing Day to hurry up so that these painful attacks on my eardrums are halted for the next ten months. If you work in retail and Christmas hasn't been ruined for you, please teach me how.

In short, dear reader (but God knows you've been reading this a long time now - I bloody wrote it) this Sunday it doesn't matter if you are a Christian, an atheist, or a Jedi Knight. When you raise your glass and pull your cracker and carve your turkey, it doesn't matter if you choose to remember God, or Santa Claus, or Han Solo. But if you don't remember everyone who works in retail, who sold Joe those gifts he bought for you, I hope you go to Hell, or Lidl, or the Death Star (insert your personal idea of torture here.)

Merry Christmas.