So, you may have read a previous blog entry of mine regarding Christmas, in which case you would already know that it's not my favourite holiday (nor is it my least favourite, mind you, wait for my rant on Valentines Day come late January/February.) If you haven't read it and you have some time to kill you can find it here (http://ponderinglifeonmars.blogspot.com/2011/12/debating-christmas.html) but it's a long one. All you need to know is that I think it's commercial bullshit.
Today is Christmas Day, and here is a list of more things that I hate about this particular day.
Disclaimer: I know I'm a Grinch-esque dickhead. Deal with it, or read no further. Simple.
As usual this is written with my tongue very firmly in my cheek, and I don't mean to cause any offence. Then again, if you're easily offended, why the hell do you read my blog? Dumbass.
1: I don't care what you got you for Christmas. Whilst my family celebrate Christmas, the gift giving isn't a giant thing here. My parents subsidize a lot of my basic needs throughout the year (clothing, transport, food) so when it comes to today there's a budget of about £50 going on. This year they cleared £50 debt for me, and bought some sweet little odd bits. Families where you guys get iPads, laptops, ponies - I just don't get it. To me, you just look like a complete brat. And those of you in relationships are the worst! "Omg I luv you bby thank u for all this stuff it proves u luv me". No. Love isn't how much shit someone can buy you for one day of the year. I'm in no place to talk about what love actually is, but I know that much about what it isn't. Get over yourselves.
2: I don't care how much you eat: it isn't a competition. Why is it so important to you that you eat more than you can possibly accommodate? In 2007 I had my first Christmas with an eating disorder. I know for a fact that you can do Christmas without gaining 5lbs that a week later you vow to lose, alongside a bunch of other shit resolutions you can't keep - for example: "get a job; join the gym; stop cheating on my girlfriend and buying her nice stuff so she never knows" - I'm onto you all! Christmas dinner is essentially white meat, potatoes and vegetables. That's diet food. Eat less Quality Street and you won't have any problems. Alternatively, keep eating until you want to die, but don't come crying to me about weight gain. Get some fucking self control.
3: I don't even care about finishing this blog entry. Started writing in a really bad mood, but another vanilla vodka & diet coke and Morcheeba album later, I'm in better spirits.
Now, in all honesty guys, I hope you had a good day. Christmas is a great time to be with your loved ones and even I felt a little twinge of love for it all earlier - a very little one, mind you, followed by a shed-load of anxiety and apathy. I'm just super fun like that.
Christmas Eve, however, exceeded my low expectations a lot. For a miserable bitch I can safely say I enjoyed seeing everyone I went to school with, and I didn't even like school, so I don't know how I managed that. And I've enjoyed having a day off from work today, so there we go, it was pretty alright. Back to the real world at 6:45 tomorrow morning when I wake up for the Boxing Day Sales rush. Prepare for a whole host of anger about that, you lucky bastards, the ultimate Christmas gift from me to you.
Love from Scrooge.
Scrooge, you're damn right as usual, I am glad you finished on a positive note thought, despite all the obvious big holes to be picked at Xmas, you can't be completely unhappy when surrounded by a whole, healthy family of individuals. The boxing day commercial wrath promises to be a goodun!
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