Being alone, and wanting to be alone

In 2011 I spent more time away from home than usual. I holidayed abroad in Lanzarote and Italy, and spent nights at a time away in the UK - Nottingham, Newcastle, Cornwall, Aberystwyth, Llandudlo, Dumfries, Glasgow, London, Leicester and Reading festival (if it counts.)

So far in 2012 I've been incredibly static. We may only be 3 weeks in to it but I'm going insane. Since the end of November I have been stuck in Oxfordshire, which does my nut in. I hate students, I hate cyclists, I hate posh wankers. In some ways I also love Oxford because it beats my hometown by miles, but the point is: it's shit round here. There's nothing to do and there's only so much drinking to cope for even me to handle.

There's a college lead trip to Barcelona coming up in 2-3 weeks, which don't get me wrong will beat being here (I hope) but it's hardly relaxation when you're there with everyone from home. Especially the tutors. They are lovely, but I can't be myself when I've basically got a guardian with me.

It's been too long since I've up and left. There was a lot of "Fuck this" then upping and leaving in 2011. To be honest, I think it keeps me insane. And right now I am getting so sane that I am going insane, in the bad way, do you follow me?

So we've established that I need to go somewhere. For a change I have some savings and I reckon it's actually possible...
I just don't know where. Or when.

There are a few factors getting in my way.

Factor 1: College. I go to college Monday to Wednesday, and admittedly, I may in the past have taken a few days off to go away. However it's portfolio time and I really need to be using my workshops and tutor contact time properly.

Factor 2: Work. I work on Fridays and Saturdays/Sundays. That leaves Thursdays, so let's face it, that leaves nothing. I wouldn't take time off work at the moment because I need the money.

Factor 3: Me. I don't drive. I'm crap with directions. I have a tendency to get lonely. Going away on my own isn't a big option, even if in a romantic and idealistic way it's what I'd like to do.


Basically guys, I'm just not feeling like myself lately - at all. I feel like some weird paranoid bitch has crawled inside my body and taken control of it like a hand puppet. Any out of character behaviour will most likely be thanks to said bitch.
I either need a cup of tea and a cuddle or someone to pick me up and shake me. Haven't figured out which yet.


So uh... yeah... sorry for a completely un funny, un inspiring, un interesting blog post. Maybe when I get back on the wagon you can use this post as a measuring stick for good blogs, or something. See? I don't even make any sense when I get like this.

Sorry for wasting your time.