10 Lessons From Bad Quality Phone Snaps

In September my mobile phone was stolen from me whilst I was asleep on the bus. I was an avid snapper and have very few photos to show nowadays because I now carry an un-steal-able Nokia. It is so old school that it's most advanced feature is an LED torch. I've heard all the "Kat, the Ashmolean Museum rang, they want your phone back as an exhibit" jokes. They keep getting funnier.

Here are some lessons I can learn from the photos I had taken and backed up - important lessons... Lessons I am obliged to share with you. Lessons you too need to learn.

1 - Buy vegetables, cook healthy shit at home.





2 - Drink everything. Everything. It doesn't matter what colour it is, that's drink-racism. Dracism. Don't be a dracist.






3 - Have a nephew. If you can't have a nephew for biological or personal reasons, get kids involved in your life somehow. In a non-creepy way. They're fucking cool.




4 - Light candles. The more candles the better. Especially when you're drunk - the risk and decreased oxygen makes it even better.




5 - It's easy to tidy and un-tidy your bedroom. Do both religiously.




6 - Collect shoes. Collect a lot of shoes. Buy two pairs of shoes at a time, and shoes you'll never wear. It's good for the soul. Trust me, I'm fine.




7 - Plan tattoos, but don't necessarily get them...





8 - I know I said cook at home. But eat meals out whenever possible.








9 - Collect all the free condoms you can.



10 - Cigarettes are really good for you, fuck the facts.




Disclaimer: I am not a doctor.